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- The ARGUS
DEMOCRAT -
Vol.
VI
25 JUNE,
2009
Numb. E-lebben
A Partisan
Publication
Representing
A Majority of
Scoundrels
For
“Change”
In
Cohesion with other Statist et.al.
A
Conclave of Illicit Mafia
Upstart Politicians
Bureaucratic Buffoons
Unruly Usurpers
A
Caucus of Criminals
Common Street
Thugs
&
Uncontrollable Unconstitutionalists
Good Evening, America, from the Underground Bunker
(undisclosed) deep in the heart of a secret cave in Stokum County, No
Carolina.
MURDERED
IN COLD BLOOD
Arlie Spitwad
Dunkin
Second Cousin Three times
Removed From the Thought-to-be-dead Clarence Uripidese Humdrum Was found
Dead as a Door Nail at the grave of his elusive cousin.
Apparently, Spitwad, having
been put up to the scheme by his granny to dig up the body of humdrum & claim the $5,000 dollars in gold for delivering Humdrum in a lifeless state of stiffness as per the offered reward was set upon by
someone with like motives. From the looks of things the gunners
allowed Spitwad to do the digging work exposing the corpse of Humdrum & then facilitated his own demise with an assorted collection of hot lead. Since there was no body in the formerly filled Humndrum grave, Spitwad became the new occupant satisfying the vacancy dug by his own hands. In any case there was no Humdrum in the hole & granny
lost her nearest of kin & only means of support – Spitwad.
Buckshot seems to the weapon of choice in these executions; nevertheless, there appears to be a variety of air holes in his person that resembled smaller caliber shots made at close range. The Stokies County Cornier, I. N. Specter (D), who also operates the Danbury Barber Shop, The Mid-Way Funeral Parlor in Stanleyville, Lawsonville Plumbing, & whose wife, Trudy, runs the Warnut Cove Bra Shoppe cannot be located to perform the joys of Spitwad’s autopsy. Specter is thought to be trout fishing somewhere in West Virginia along the Appalachian Trail. At any rate county finances are so low that further investigation & medical examanination is useless anyhow. Spitwad is dead & no amount of probing is gonna bring him bak or solve anything.
U.S. Marshall Rooster Cogburn
has been called on the scene to solve this hole madder & all local & state authorities are declared null & void & subject to the Marshall’s whim & udderwise unnessary. Ebber
thing is in Rooster’s two hands & teeth NOW! Grits on ebber body at Fannie Mae’s Eatery!
The Marshal Has
Arrived!
He will solve this case with the sole assistance of a Tennessee Ranger named Buffaloe Gunn
&
a Humdrum family
decedent & school marm who goes by the name of
Dot Humdinger
They will
find Doc!
dead or alive
RoosterwillGitDoc@Grit.tru
|
- The Argus Democrat - is an on-line
newspaper published with sophistication, bravado, sporadically, &
humorless during any given day for the purpose of distorting the news to
our benefit & slammin anyone who gets in our way. Literary bias
is our motto & spin is our game – no spoof allowed – we tells hit like
we wants hit to be – cuz we beeze donkee democrats & we gets our kicks
& highs when we lies politically discrediting rascally
republicans, constitutionalists, & all 1776 types.
Disclaimer Understood - ©
unsubstantial – www.mindnumbedrobots@ussrext1600pnave.guv |
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